i was human
by Riko-San
Summary: A series of related oneshots. She was meant to keep Kylo devoid of any emotions. Instead she was plunging him head first into them. Kylo x OC.
1. training

**_Happy Holidays! Here's a oneshot series of an old concept I've been mulling over for a while. For those of you waiting for_ Simple Seconds _to be updated, it will be in December. I'm just posting this to show y'all I'm not dead._** ** _Feel free to contact me!_**

For the fifth time that training session, Kylo Ren was knocked to the floor. The hard steel was cold against his cheek, a harsh sting resounding in his hip from the impact. A hot anger flared up in his chest and he swore loudly as he sat up.

Standing above him was the very bane of his existence. At least, for the moment.

"You've lost your edge," she commented casually.

"Hold your tongue," He snapped.

Since fighting the Scavenger, Kylo had noticed she was speaking more freely to him, something he was not accustomed to. That was not the only thing he noticed. For example, though she had, once again, overpowered him, she was leaning more on her left leg than her right. As he sat there, Kylo saw her hand clenching and releasing the training pole she was leaning on.

"Ahri," Kylo said, climbing to his feet, "You're in pain."

Those wine-red eyes of hers blinked once, twice. "I'm fine."

Kylo suddenly thrust his hand toward her- she countered and pushed it away, opting to strike his abdomen with her pole. It was a weak attack, but a quick-thinking strategy- as he went to block her left, her right hand sprung up to hit his face. Kylo stumbled back, but found his footing and lunged at her. Ahri threw the pole down and crouched, swinging her leg out and knocking Kylo's feet from under him. He inhaled sharply as his back slammed against steel.

Ahri was exasperated. "Again!" She commanded sharply. Jade locks fell into her eyes- she brushed them away quickly. "You still move too slow. Faster this time!"

Kylo jumped to his feet and they began again. Though she chastised him for being slow, she was not as fast as she usually was. Kylo was familiar with her fighting style; They had trained together for years. Ahri was calm and calculated. When she wasn't using the Force, she was quick-footed and struck with deadly presicion. She was always on the offensive, but this time she stuck with the defensive.

As she twisted from his reach, Kylo's fist made contact with her right side. It was a near fatal blow, as her chances of winning the spar were dead. Ahri cried out in agony and fell backwards on her back. Instinctively, Kylo moved to her aid. She was curled up, hands gripping her side tightly. Wimpers came from her, invoking a strange tug in Kylo's chest.

He suddenly felt-

"Guilt is not yours to claim," Ahri said through gritted teeth. "This was a small sacrifice."

Kylo said nothing as he crouched before her. He tried to keep his feelings in check, but Ahri was perceptive. For one who felt no real emotion, she was quite capable of pinpointing his. Her hands moved from her side as he lifted her shirt. There was an ugly scar there, identicle to his own facial injury. The skin around it was red and angry, puffy and swollen.

He wanted to apologize, but the words stuck in his throat.

"Your injury is healing slowly. Too early to start sparring," he said instead. His hands lingered at the hem of her shirt when he pulled it back down. His chest tightened. She was injured, he was weak. Had the Scavenger really done so much damage to them?

Ahri slowly pushed herself into a sitting position. She felt as though there were a coil in her chest, ready to come undone.

"You're anxious," she stated plainly. Kylo avoided her gaze. Those eyes...he felt a tug at his chin and he turned his head to look at her. Her hand fell from his face. "About what...I can't decide."

"It's no concern of yours," he snapped. But he knew what she was going to say-

"Any emotion of yours is my concern. We are connected, Knight of Ren. Regardless of your opinion of it."

"Silence!" Kylo commanded, standing to his full height. Ahri sat there, staring up at him with eyes so crimson he though he would lose himself in the pools of roses. He wouldn't let her distract him, however. "You've been speaking too boldly as of late."

Ahri's blank stare was absolutely infuriating. "Anything I feel and convey is a product of your own making. Perhaps you're losing control over your emotions," she stated.

Kylo inwardly cursed her. She was right. Since the encounter with the Scavenger, he had found himself expressing his anger more frequently and with less restraint than he usually did. Without saying anything further, he reached out his hand to her. Ahri accepted it without hesitation and allowed him to help her up. Kylo stood still as she leaned on him for support. She sucked in a sharp breath as pain sprawled up her side, but aside from that her face was a blank page.

Kylo felt a familiar pressure at the back of his neck. It was subtle but strong, almost painful. Ahri felt it as well.

"Supreme Leader Snoke is requesting your pressence," she said, moving away from him. Her hands folded neatly infront of her, "Would you like me to remain here?"

"No. Join me," was his reply.

The two got dressed in silence. Kylo put his shirt back on and Ahri slid into her high-collared uniform. She smoothed down her shirt before zipping it up. Though it was a long sleeve, it left her shoulders exposed, keeping her somewhat cool. She reached up and released her hair from her ponytail, rod-straight jade locks falling neatly just past her shoulders. She ran her fingers through her hair, pushing her bangs from her face.

Kylo was watching her as he worked his own jacket buttons. In her black uniform, Ahri was quite a sight. It wasn't her strange looks that caught his attention, however. It was her personality, or lack of one. Even with her monotonous disposition, he found himself drawn to her empty, sometimes harsh realistic outlook.

"Ahri," he said as they walked to the training room doors. She regarded him with disinterest, though he knew she was listening. He remembered the wound on her side. There was something he wanted to ask about it, but it was forgotten as his eyes met hers.

"Yes?" she responded. Her finger paused over the 'open-door' button.

As the door opened he rushed past her, keeping his head down. Ahri quickly followed behind. She knew he was hiding something from her, but didn't push the subject. He would tell her soon enough.


	2. fear

Ahri didn't really have a preference, but her favorite time was when she could meditate in peace.

She sat in her room, levitating near her bed. Her eyes were closed, hands folded neatly in her lap.

She was in a closed room. It was dark, and cold. It was silent, empty. There was a pressure all around her, pushing her, pulling her. It was a familiar sense- the Force was something she was comfortable with. When she was performing her usual duties, there was always so much noise. The creaking of the ship, the chatter of troopers, the shouting of officers. In her little room, in the dark, it was quiet. The Force was always quiet.

She allowed herself to enjoy it from time to time.

There was a sudden sharp stabbing pain behind her eyes and she cried out, falling to the floor with a harsh thump. She laid there on her back a moment, chest heaving with strangled breaths. The pain came again, this time worse than before. Ahri struggled to push herself off the floor, but the room was spinning and she couldn't breath well. She managed a weak cry.

"K..Kyo!" was all she could manage. He was asleep in the room next to hers, there was no way for him to hear her.

The pain subsided. Ahri finally caught her breath again. She gasped over and over, trying to get air back in her lungs before the next pain hit. Her hands groped at her bed, clawing her way on top of it. It always helped to lay on her side when he had nightmares like this. Just as she slid onto the bed, there was another stabbing pain, this time in her chest. What was it he was dreaming of, she wondered vaguely as nausea washed over her.

Ahri squeezed her eyes shut and tried to make herself as small as possible, curling into a ball in the center of her bed.

It was going to be a long sleep-cycle.

"Ahri, wake up," Kylo's voice was harsh.

Ahri started awake. Kylo nearly jumped back. He hadn't expected her to wake so violently, so he called her name again. It may have been the dimness of her room, but Kylo noticed how pale and clammy she looked, her hair all mused and tangled and dark circles under her eyes. Kylo's hand moved on its own, from its place at his side to her face, to brush her bangs from her eyes. It moved to her forehead. Ahri leaned into his hand, grateful for the coolness it provided.

"You had nightmares again last night," her croaky voice said when he removed his hand, "They were worse than usual."

Kylo was silent. He leaned down and gently pushed her legs back further on the bed, sitting down beside her. "You've never reacted this way," he said, a bit more gently this time.

Ahri closed her eyes. "I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I was fine last night."

There was a dark stain on her blanket, near her side. Kylo frowned, reaching over to push her bangs back again. "Is your side still hurting?"

She nodded. He reached over and peeled the blanket back and held back a gasp. There was a large pool of...blood- he noted, though her dark sheets made it difficult to immediately discern- under her, her shirt clinging to her side. "Shit!" he hissed, rushing to the intercom near the door. As he barked orders for a medical bot to be sent immediately, Ahri struggled to sit up.

"Stay still!" Kylo commanded, crossing the room in two strides. In a moment of panic-induced adrenaline, he carefully pulled her shirt away from her wound and over her head. Ahri could do nothing but comply, limply moving her arms so he could pull them through the sleeves.

"The wound on your side reopened," he said, catching her questioning gaze. He bent down to pick her up, carefully hooking one arm under her legs and one cradling her back. Her head rested on his shoulders. "Stay awake!"

"Must have happened last night, when you were having nightmares," she mumbled. Her head lobbed back and forth against his shoulder as he headed for her bathroom, opting to carefully place her in the bathtub, her back propped up against the wall. It was a snug fit, the two of them in there, but it would have to work. He didn't have time to take her to the Infirmary.

He began applying pressure to the long jagged opening in her side. "You should have woken me up," He said roughly. There was no way to tell exactly how much blood she had lost, he thought, looking back to her. Her eyes were closed, mouth parted slightly. Panic shot up through his stomach and he nearly let go of her side to wake her. Blood seeped through his fingers, soaking his hands. "Ahri!" He snapped angrily.

Ahri didn't respond. Dammit, where were those bots? His heart thumped in his chest. The last time they were in this situation she nearly died. Kylo had never been more terrified in his life, except now. What would he do if-

Kylo heard the _swoosh_ of the door as it slid open. An angry voice boomed, "We've been trying to contact you for _ten minutes,_ Commander-"

"Hux!" Kylo shouted. For the first time since meeting the hatefully irritating man, Kylo was actually relieved to hear that painful voice of his. "In here!"

"Oh, for stars' sake, are you really- _God!"_ Hux exclaimed. Kylo looked over his shoulder. Hux was standing in the bathroom doorway, mouth agape. "What the hell-"

"Her wound reopened last night," Kylo said quickly, shuffling over to the side as Hux pulled his black coat off and quickly rolled up his sleeves.

Hux eyed him suspiciously and crouched down, moving Kylo's hands to press against her side. Kylo ignored his gaze and darted into the room to get something to dress the wound with. Hux shook his head, peering at Ahri's pale face. "What has he done to you..." the older man muttered. He was quite fond of Ahri. She was polite, something he found pleasant after dealing with Kylo's insufferable attitude. He was aware of the connection between the two- it was hard to miss, considering Ahri was an ever-present entity at Kylo's side, and had been for the past four years. The only reason Hux was trying to keep her alive was that- that she was decent company.

It was obvious that Kylo always kept her at arms length, as he did everyone. Ahri seemed to be the only one unfazed by his abrasive childishness. Hux chalked that up to the fact that she was unfazed by mostly everything. However, since the fight with the scavenger, things had changed. Hux didn't fail to notice the small glances Kylo would send her way every now and again during meetings, or even how the way he spoke to her was, for once, in a mostly decent tone.

The way he was frantically trying to find something to stop the blood was equally as unusual.

"Here," Kylo said, suddenly at Hux's side with a large box decorated with the usual red cross. Hux got to work. Kylo watched carefully and reached out to take any bloody rags Hux handed him as he applied bacta and bandages.

"Why hasn't the infirmary treated this yet?" Hux asked. For once, there was no maliciousness to his voice. Kylo found it much more tolerable.

"Bacta's the only thing we have that will work," Kylo's voice resounded from the room. He came back to the bathroom with a clean pair of clothes, "They've never worked on a Chrysanth before."

This struck Hux as odd, but he didn't mention it. He had not been aware she was anything but human.

Hux washed his hands in the bathroom sink, ignoring Kylo as he dressed Ahri in fresh clothes. He thought he heard her say something; when he looked over his shoulder, she was indeed awake, though by no means able to stand. Kylo muttered something to her before picking her up in much the same way he did earlier. There it was again- that gentleness in Kylo Hux had never seen before. It was unnerving.

Hux was angry. The entire purpose of Ahri's presence on this ship was to push Kylo closer to the Dark Side, and for the longest that plan worked. She was chosen because of her emptiness, that she was force sensitive yet completely apathetic. Ahri was truly Dark Side material, but her absolute lack of interest in anything, including power, kept her out of Snoke's plans. She was meant to absorb much of Kylo's emotions to keep him from losing focus. Yet here they were, considerably much closer than the two had been before they fought the scavenger.

"Commander," Hux snapped once he had put his coat back on. Kylo had laid her carefully in bed and was washing his own hands. "Now that you're done playing nurse, you are needed in the Bridge."

Had it not been for Snoke's need of Hux, Kylo would have killed him. The very thought of the man addressing him in such a way was infuriating. He strode across the room to face Hux, close enough that their noses almost touched. When he spoke, Hux struggled to keep from flinching.

"Silence," Kylo snarled, voice low and dangerously sharp. "You'll not speak of this to anyone."

Hux looked back to where Ahri was lying on her bed and Kylo's gaze followed. The sheets had been changed, and her eyes were closed. "You shouldn't think too fondly of her. Your loyalty lies with Supreme Leader Snoke, doesn't it?"

Kylo's head snapped back to him and Hux felt a small pressure at his neck. "Don't question me," was Kylo's vicious reply. He spat out the words as if they put a bad taste in his mouth. "It will be the last mistake you ever make."

With his threat left hanging in the air, Kylo roughly brushed past Hux and stormed out of the room. Hux stumbled a bit from the impact, but said nothing as the pressure was released from his throat. He eyed Ahri.

Snoke would be hearing about this.

* * *

The scavenger was a quick little one, Ahri noted. Her own lightsaber was dangling from her belt, unused and forgotten. She rarely ever used it, opting for using the Force and her own two hands.

The defect, however, was another can of worms entirely. Ahri stood there in the snow, her black robes billowing and swishing in the icy winds, with her hood pulled over her head. She almost looked ethereal, the snowflakes landing on her dark lashes and hair, red eyes a stark contrast with her pale complexion. The defect, a young man with dark skin and an interesting burning in his eyes, stared at her hatefully. He should have been, considering he was cradling his friend in the snow. Ahri couldn't tell if she was still alive. Kylo was standing a few feet away, seething with unbridled anger. His mask had been discarded long ago, but Ahri chose not to hide her face.

"Traitor!" Kylo screamed violently.

Finn slowly stood, gripping his friend's lightsaber painfully, though he wasn't force sensitive. Scarlet eyes pierced into Finn. He was a mess of emotion. Hate, anger, confusion. Fear. These were emotions she was familiar with.

"You're quivering," Ahri said to him in a even monotone.

Finn sputtered at her. "Shut up!"

Kylo commanded Finn to give him the saber. Finn challenged him. Ahri didn't move from her spot. She could tell this man was clearly untrained and unfit to fight against a Force-user, especially a Knight of Ren. Kylo was more than capable of handling the situation. She watched Kylo's perfect fighting stance, the way he moved so fluidly, as though he were dancing. Finn was clumsily trying to block and counter, his feet tripping over each other. It was almost comical. Kylo finally backed Finn against a tree, cutting deep into his shoulder with the cross guard. Finn began to scream, trying to push his saber against Kylo's.

As Finn's screams resonated throughout the forest, Rey began to wake. It was a subtle movement, but Ahri caught it. Within seconds, she was blocking the fist that Rey sent her way, twisting her arm out of the way. Rey cried out, swinging once again. Ahri simply moved slightly left and right to avoid her attacks. Keeping her face devoid of any reaction, Ahri shoved Rey's fist away and slammed her palm into the girl's gut. Rey gasped and stumbled back, clutching her stomach as she dropped to one knee.

"Rey!" Finn yelled, swinging his lightsaber towards Ahri. With a flick of her wrist, Ahri's own curved-hilt lightsaber was drawn, blocking Finn's. She swiped her hand through the air, knocking Rey back into a tree. She moved to kick Finn back, only to flip out of the way of Kylo's saber as it slashed right down the defect's back. The blue lightsaber went flying through the air. Kylo went to summon it with the Force, but found himself unable to. The saber simply rattled back and forth in the snow, as if it were stuck.

Ahri's eyes slowly narrowed. She felt something. Something...different. It was a growing emotion she couldn't name, bubbling up in her chest and threatening to spill out. Something was happening in the Force. The saber finally broke free, flying past Kylo and Ahri at a breakneck speed. It landed in the hands of Rey, the lowly scavenger. Ahri exhaled sharply she recognized what she was feeling. It wasn't an emotion, no. This was something else entirely. That girl, that dirty stowaway that had somehow become entangled in the affairs of the universe was awake now. Whatever the hell had been asleep inside her had woken up.

Kylo's eyes met hers. For the first time, Kylo saw raw emotion in those dull eyes.

It was fear.

* * *

"How is his training going? Well?"

Ahri's response spilled like water into a cup, smooth, confident. "Well, sir. He's excelling at a unprecedented rate. The incident with the Scavenger bared no harm to his progress."

Snoke seemed pleased with that. Sitting on his throne, he looked as though he were bored of her. It was one of the few times he ever held a briefing with her, to be updated on Kylo's training. He was slouched in his throne, one hand propping up his head. Such an informal stance gave him an nonthreatening appearance, but everyone knew better. Ahri could feel him in her head, poking around like an unwanted guest. She was quite small in comparison to the rest of the throne room. She wore her signature black shoulder-less long sleeved uniform and pants, paired with her knee-high boots. Snoke scanned her carefully. There was no anger. No fear. Nothing.

"And what of you? Hux tells me you were out of commission for quite some time."

Ahri had nearly forgotten the man was there. Hux stood next to her, hands clasped behind his back as opposed to hers, which remained at her sides. Despite his stoic look, Ahri could feel his slight giddiness. "Yes. Kylo Ren insisted I take time to properly recover after the wound on my side reopened. It should not be a problem at this point," she stated blatantly.

Snoke nodded, clearly amused by her response. "Another thing he tells me," Snoke said with a hint of interest, "Is that you let the defect live."

Ahri stared forward. She knew what he was talking about. How Hux had known was beyond her. She took note of that. Finally she spoke, "My choice was to either kill the defect or keep Kylo Ren alive. I chose the option that would benefit you most, Supreme Leader."

This time it was Hux that chimed in. "You showed empathy, Ahri," he said evenly, "Empathy is a human emotion."

Ahri's unsettling gaze turned to him. She took several minutes until she spoke, it seemed to unnerve him more. When she did speak, it echoed loudly. "It is best for you, General, to not confuse empathy with control."

With that, she turned and left the room. Hux nearly choked on his spit. This was the first time she had ever back-talked to him. He looked at Snoke, expecting him to reprimand her for breaking protocol and leaving without being dismissed. Snoke only watched her retreating form with narrowed eyes.

* * *

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	3. empty

**My plan was to split this chapter, but couldn't find a good place. Don't be afraid to give feedback! Enjoy!**

 _A_ _hri's first encounter with the Resistance was quite memorable. They had met at the destruction of Tuanul. She remembered him vividly- dark hair and eyes, squareish face. He was reckless, shooting at Kylo with a mere blaster. Ahri stopped the blast midair, her fingers twitching slightly. It wasn't a very clever shot and in fact she was sure he hadn't meant to shoot at all, accidentally doing so as a knee-jerk reaction to Lor San Tekka's death. She felt his anguish sharply piercing through the other emotions swirling the village._

 _When the Stormtroppers brought him closer, Ahri had to lower her gaze. There was hate in him, strong and unwilling to relent. It was almost overwhelming. Her breath hitched slightly and Kylo turned to look at her. She kept her eyes to the ground. There was a strange sensation in her head as Kylo rooted around in her thoughts. She kept the man's anger from Kylo. He was angry enough as it_ _was._

 _"Y'know it's kind of hard to understand you with all...that...going on," The man said, vaguely gesturing to Kylo with his head._

 _His eyes met Ahri's briefly, then returned in a full stare. Ahri felt as though she were choking. There was so much anguish, hate, fear...confusion, sadness. Despair. It was too much for her hypersensitive senses to bear. The man stared at her, questioning eyes trying to find answers. Kylo forced him to look straight ahead. Ahri didn't pay attention as Kylo barked out orders. The man was lead away._

 _She hurried onto the ship as the troops opened fire on the villagers._

 _Later that night, she had been called into one of the interrogation rooms by Kylo. Now that they were away from the carnage, Ahri had reverted back to her usual self and she was quite comfortable with it._

 _The man, identified as Poe Dameron, had already been questioned intensively, but to no avail. As soon as Ahri entered the room, she was hit by waves of pride and fear, so strong it nearly took her breath. She stopped in the doorway, hand gripping the frame tightly. Kylo was there, face hidden by his signature mask. He acknowledged her quietly._

 _ **Will you be able to handle this?** Was his intrusive thought._

 **Of course** _. Was her stubborn reply._

 _"I didn't know we had such an esteemed pilot aboard our ship," Kylo's voice was warped and deep._

 _Poe blinked rapidly, trying to keep the blood dripping down his head from getting in his eyes. He said nothing. He spotted Ahri by the door. She was picking up on what he was feeling in real time- he felt as though he recognized her. That calmed his fear a bit._

 _Kylo tried to question him on the whereabouts of the last piece of the map; of course, Poe didn't give an inch. Even when he was screaming in agony until his voice gave out. Ahri monitored his vitals on a thin holographic pad. His blood pressure and heart rate rose with the increasing pressure Kylo was putting him under, while his oxygen levels were going down. She decided it was time to step in, otherwise Kylo would kill him on accident._

 _Kylo's hand, which had been slowly curling into a fist, suddenly released. He was forced to hold it there, fingers spread apart almost painfully, though he struggled inaudibly to set himself free. Poe groaned with the release, gulping down air into his lungs. His body relaxed against the chair, slouching in fatigue. Kylo turned sharply to Ahri, who held her own hand out. She released him and he dropped his hand._

 _"His vitals were in the red. Any more and you would have killed him," she explained. "A dead man is worth nothing."_

 _"That's debatable." Kylo said._

 _The door opened. Ahri turned to see who had intruded- Kylo had given specific instructions not to be bothered. It was FN-2187, recognizable from his hesitant demeanor. Ahri had encountered him before. Polite, meek. He stood out from the others in his squad in that way._

 _"What is it?" Kylo snapped. "I gave orders not to be interrupted."_

 _"General Hux has requested your presence immediately, Commander," FN-2187 replied, his voice strained._

 _Ahri felt a pitch in Kylo's anger. It boiled her blood, making her clench the datapad to the point of almost breaking it. A few deep breaths on Ahri's end calmed them both. When he said her name, she tilted her head in acknowledgement._

 _"Extract the information," Kylo commanded her. "Don't rest until you've taken everything possible."_

 _"Yes, Commander."_

 _FN-2187 glanced back as he walked behind Kylo, peering into the room as the doors closed._

 _Ahri was watching Poe's vitals drop into the safe zone when he suddenly spoke. "Ahri, huh? Cute name," his words were slurred, eyes kept shut. His breaths were ragged and wet, as though there were fluid in his lungs. Ahri double checked the sensors on his chest, setting it to alarm her in the case of a ruptured lung. His blood pressure was still high, but his heartbeat was almost back to normal, as were his oxygen levels. When she glanced at him again, he was staring at her._

 _"You're too pretty to be hanging around these goons," Poe said._

 _Ahri walked closer to him. His eyes followed her, looking her up and down briefly before meeting her eyes. "Where is the remaining part of the map?" She asked._

 _"How long have you been with mouth-breather? Couple months? Years?"_

 _Poe suddenly tensed up, his eyes opening wide, mouth gaping. The veins in his neck stuck out as he struggled to breathe, back arcing up off the chair painfully. Ahri pressed further slowly, the hand at her side curling into a fist. "Answer the question."_

 _The sensors on her datapad began to beep and she released him, popping her knuckles against her palm. Poe gasped in air, his arms and legs struggling against their restraints. "I'm not...I'm not afraid...of death," he panted heavily._

 _"Not death. But you are afraid," Ahri stepped closer, hovering her hand over his head. "What are you afraid of?"_

 _Poe tried his best to turn away, but the straps held him down. She had never connected with someone other than Kylo. It was a bit more difficult to connect to someone who wasn't Force sensitive, but once the Force clicked their consciousness, Ahri was able to search through his memories. She could feel his apprehension like it was her own, bundling down deep in her gut. She moved her hand, delicate fingers lightly tracing over his forehead. There was apprehension, worry...but over what? She closed her eyes, trying to work through his emotions._

 _There were some she shouldn't quite name, some she could. She felt pride, fear, envy, hate, concern...this intense desire and enthusiasm...What was that? It was strongest in his memories of working with the Rebellion. When she tapped into it, it was strong, so strong she could barely control herself-_

The sound of the hangar buzzer pulled Ahri from her thoughts and she remembered where she was.

That encounter had been months ago, but the memory left a hollow feeling in her stomach. She couldn't remember how that emotion felt.

She suddenly felt irritated, and that was her cue to head to the hangar. Kylo was back. No one in the Bridge noticed her leaving except Hux, who turned to watch her go with a stern look. Kylo's mission went exceptionally well, meaning his irritation was caused by something (most likely someone) else.

That seemed to be the case, as every Stormtrooper lined up in the vinicity felt nervous. Ahri stood at the door to the Hangar with her hands clasped behind her back, shoulders and back straight at ease. Kylo Ren exited the small ship, accompanied by a young pilot who was hurrying to keep up with his superior. The pilot was nervous.

"Commander, welcome back-" Ahri began, but she stopped as they approached, when a spike of anger tore through Kylo like a rabid dog.

The young pilot stopped in his tracks, becoming rigid as Kylo crushed him with the Force. There was no fighting back, no struggle. The pilot couldn't even cry out in pain from his windpipe being crushed. Ahri inwardly sighed. This was not the first pilot she would have to save from Kylo's wrath.

"Commander," Ahri said in a hard tone. Her fingers twitched. The young man was released and he collasped to the floor, gasping. Kylo spun on her, waves of anger spilling forth even through his mask. "I must advised you to control yourself. Use that anger during your training."

Kylo stood there a moment, stewing in his own irritation. The pilot didn't dare get up off the floor, instead cowering there on his hands and knees. He risked a glance at Ahri and caught her stare. He mouthed the words 'thank you' to her; she merely nodded slightly.

"You'll be punished for your insolence," Kylo finally said. He was speaking to Ahri.

"Of course, Commander," she replied.

Kylo stomped past her, grabbing her arm as he went. Ahri followed without any complaint. She knew he was just putting on a show for everyone, a charade, to make them think he was this cold-hearted man who punished anyone without remose. Ahri found this to be true, but in recent weeks she saw a kinder side to him that told otherwise. Kylo's kindness manifested itself in lingering touches unseen by anyone and carefully choosen words.

In truth, he hadn't punished her in months.

Stormtroopers didn't dare to interfere as Kylo lead her down the hall. Rather than pulling her into his quarters, as she first thought, he kept leading her down the hall, until they reached the elevator. Kylo said nothing to her the entire time they were in the elevator. Ahri could feel his discomfort in the way his grip loosened on her arm.

\- _"So what did they do to you?" Poe's voice was horse and choppy. His chest was rising and falling heavily, in time with Ahri's as she struggled to catch her breath. She was at the opposite side of the room, hand splayed across her chest as she regained her sense of self. It was over. Whatever that emotion was, she wanted no part of it. It was strong and loud. It was passion._

 _Ahri didn't say anything to him. She hadn't meant to cause him pain, but separating her being from his in such a abrupt manner had been spontaneous._

 _"You're different...than the others I've met," Poe said again after swallowing thickly. His voice was strained. "You're not used to...feeling that, are you?"_

 _Ahri inhaled once and exhaled. The emptiness was returning now, replacing the warmth and enthusiasm. She slowly walked over to him, features taking on her usual monotonous persona._

 _"Did they destroy your world? Kidnap you? Take you from your family?" Poe spoke stronger now, angry, as if the thought of her being hurt in such a way was a personal offence to him. Ahri said nothing, watching him cautiously. In a sudden display of strength, he lean forward towards her, straining against his binds. "You don't have to live like this. You can leave this place-"_

Kylo suddenly gripped Ahri by the shoulders and pulled her roughly, nearly slamming her into the elevator wall. Ahri didn't cry out in surprise, instead her arms gripped Kylo's forearms as his fingers dug into her shoulders.

"Kylo, step down," she said as a warning. She was vaguely surprised he was acting in such a way, as he hadn't been violent with her in years.

Kylo finally reached up and wrenched his helmet off of his head, slamming it into the wall beside her head. Ahri didn't blink as it clipped her ear. He was heaving, eyes dark with rage and frustration. His scar had healed, though it didn't make him look like a villain- he looked like a victim. Ahri tried to search his mind for what was wrong, but he blocked her out.

"This entire time," he finally seethed, "You've done nothing but think back to that pilot-"

Oh. _Oh._ "There is nothing to be jealous about, Kylo. What I did was nothing but a simple mind search to collect information."

Kylo gripped her shoulder tighter. Her lips twitched in pain. "You _honestly_ think I'm jealous? I _don't care_ about that damned pilot or whatever the hell he thought of you!" Kylo yelled, "It's that-"

He stopped abruptly and turned away, letting go of her. His helmet dropped to the floor with a loud clang. Ahri's eyebrows furrowed slightly as Kylo backed away, his back to her. She tried to reach out to him with the Force, but he locked his emotions in a box and didn't give her the key. She felt nothing from him.

She needed to be careful. When they first met, the scars of what Luke Skywalker did to him were still fresh and he trusted no one. Once he realized she had no motives to harm him, he opened up a little. It took her two years to fully gain Kylo's trust and connect with him. He had never shut her out before.

She stepped closer to him, until she was almost against his back. He had grown tall, she noted. Her nose came up to his shoulder. What was the right thing to do? If she touched him, he could recoil, and without being able to tell what he was feeling she was unable to determine whether he would strike her. Kylo had only hit her once with the intent to hurt her, outside of training.

Ahri made her choice. Regardless of what he would do, she needed to know what was wrong and why it had something to do with her.

Her fingers brushed gently against his shoulder, cautious, not to comfort him but merely remind him of her closeness. When he made no movement, she laid her hand on his shoulder and slowly pulled, turning him until he faced her. Kylo obliged, keeping his head low and eyes watching his feet closely. Ahri had a sudden urge to touch his face but ignored it. Her hand remained on his shoulder, firm but not agressive.

"What has happened?" When she spoke, it was quieter than she expected. "I can't feel you anymore. Why are you shutting me out?"

Kylo's dark eyes finally connected with hers. She couldn't decipher what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Ahri continued, her gaze dropping to his uniform collar.

"I need to feel something from you," she said carefully. There was something in her that didn't like being sepparated from him. She was always empty, but when they were connected she at least felt as though there was something there. Even if it was not hers, she could pretend.

Kylo's voice was low, tired, when he finally began to speak. "...Why does it matter to you? Why are you still here?"

Ahri's hand slowly fell from his shoulder. It rested at her side, fingers curling slightly. She had never been asked that. What did it matter to her? Why was she there? There was no contract, no point to her constant pressence. She was not getting paid or threatened to stay. Snoke had no use for her, other than to train Kylo, but he could be trained by anyone.

She only stayed because of him. Why?

Ahri's mouth opened, but nothing came out. How was she supposed to answer that?

Kylo continued, "That pilot was right. You can leave this place. But you don't. You are not loyal to anyone-"

"I am loyal to you," Ahri said plainly. She tilted her head to look at him, and for a second, as she looked up at him, she thought she saw his eyes flicker down from her gaze.

Ahri didn't mind the closeness, but Kylo certainly did. She could see the anger fade away and turn into...something else. That was why she didn't move away.

"I stay because I am connected to you and you alone. There is nothing out there for me. Here, there is you, and that is enough."

That wasn't what Ahri meant to say, but it came out anyway. She wasn't sure why, but she became nervous the longer she stood so close. Perhaps he finally let her back into his mind. That was the only way she would have felt nervous.

The two remained close. When Kylo bent his head down his nose nearly touched hers. Ahri was waiting for something to be said.

The mood suddenly shifted. Kylo's eyes hardened and he became regid.

"Six months ago, you would have told me there was nothing keeping you here. That you feel nothing. That you are nothing. But not anymore. I can sense it," Kylo's voice began to boil into a rage, "You are not the same as you were!"

Ahri stepped back, but Kylo stepped forward. "I am the same; you are the one who has changed, Kylo Ren."

"I-"

This time Ahri's voice rose slightly, shocking Kylo into silence, " _I_ am a Chrysanth. I feel _nothing_. So long as you and I are connected, my emotions and behaviors will reflect yours." Ahri was angry. Angry she had to defend herself. Angry he was trying to blame his own emotional outburst on her. "This anger is _yours_ , not _mine_!"

Kylo's hardened gaze never wavered. He stepped back from her, watching her intensely. Ahri watched as he pressed the 'door open' button on the elevator. They hadn't even moved from the Hangar floor.

"You have changed, Ahri," he said between clenched teeth. "Because we haven't been connected since before we entered the elevator."

Ahri stared at him as the doors opened. As he walked away from her. As he left her there. Her heart was thumping fast, hard. The doors closed slowly and she was alone. Fingers numbly typed the floor number where the meditation chambers were. On the floor next to her was Kylo's helmet, left abandoned.

She should have felt empty. Apathetic. Devoid of any and all things. But she wasn't.

She wasn't empty at all.


End file.
